Thursday, September 5, 2019
Giants 9 Cardinals 8
Peggy and I got to see this great game at Busch Stadium because our Giants were in town when we had to drive from Springfield, MO, to St. Louis for my regular visit to the Siteman Cancer Center. Siteman early in the day, baseball in the evening. One was better than the other....
Giants
Friday, June 14, 2019
My Journey, My Testimony
Originally posted on Facebook on 6-11-19
facebook.com/kenhorn1a
I have needed to post a health update for some time. Below is a far more detailed report than I had planned, but I have something to publicly thank God for, and I want you to know what He has done for me. If you want to cut through the verbosity, just scroll down and start reading near the end. (It was really my intent to write one short paragraph, but the following just flowed out.)
Anyone who has seen me recently or who even has talked to me on the phone knows I am making a comeback. From my first failed surgery in Oct. 2015 and two following surgical attempts to correct it, which also failed in significant measure, I was left physically hampered, emotionally drained, and on full-time major pain management. Then my wife found me passed out on the couch one afternoon, laptop on my lap. She was unable to wake me. An ambulance ride I do not remember began a period of months of tests to find out why certain of my systemic indicators had gone ballistic. No answers came until about half a year into this, cancer was discovered in my bone marrow. I was diagnosed with a rare type of non-Hodgkin lymphoma known as WM (I won’t trouble you with the lengthy, hard-to-pronounce name)—an incurable disease (according to medical science) only 6 in every million people contract. So it has not been studied much. Soon I needed far more pain management, including more frequent injections, for the increasing—and often crippling—bone pain. After I began on the specified chemo treatment, I had significant side effects, but it wasn’t clear if it was from chemo or the cancer. My oncologist was reading up on it, and I was getting a second opinion from a reliable source. My ability to eat normal food was compromised. My weight plummeted. I lost most of my muscle.
For some strange reason, in the midst of all this, but before I was diagnosed with cancer, I filled in at a church in Springfield as interim pastor and was stunned a few months later when Grace Assembly asked Peggy and me to take the church as permanent pastor. (I have long suspected that every church that ever voted me in as pastor—4 of them in three states—did so because of Peggy. She is the consummate pastor’s wife—makes me look good, cleans up my messes, brings joy wherever she goes. I am under no illusion here. I think I am able to preach a decent expository or topical message, but my real redeeming value has been that Peggy comes in the package with me.)
I missed services sporadically even before cancer treatment began, then I missed weeks at a time. When I did preach I often had to sit to make it through it. I often had to be helped to my car after services. After a Sunday morning of ministry, it was difficult for me to make it back for an evening service (yes, some churches still have those). Frequently I had to get last-minute fill-ins to preach. We were always open with our congregation and discussed with them a number of times the need for us to leave so they could have a stronger, more engaged pastor. The church would not let us go. We felt bad each time we relented, but something remarkable happened. People in the church stepped up in a big way. God sent a wonderful couple to teach Weds. nights. I took two lengthy leaves of absence for intravenous treatments … and they still wanted me back. Each time I came back, everything seemed to be running better than when I had left.
People talked about our example in walking through difficulty but continuing to minister. But I felt nothing like a giant of faith. Peggy knew my struggles and the difficulty it was for me to get ready for each service. And she saw me go through deep, dark, lengthy depression … and minister between—or during—those dark times.
I guess I hadn’t realized how much of the old me had been sucked out over time. Not until recently, when I started bouncing back.
If God could use me in the shape I was in, I believe he could use anybody, no matter how beat up, torn down, depressed or on the edge of giving up. There have been people fighting for me in prayer throughout this ordeal. Oh, what it means to know there are people who are willing to help bear your burden (Gal. 6:2). That’s what it means to be a believer in Christ … it’s “the law of Christ.” I wouldn’t have gotten this far without all the folks, some who don’t even know me personally, who have lifted my burden on their knees.
So what happened? Have I been healed? No … not completely … yet.
In early April I had my last surgery. I had to go off of my oral chemo for a couple of weeks before and after the surgery. When it was time for me to start taking it again, I held it in my hand, and just couldn’t take it. The longer I stayed off it, the better I felt. But my key numbers were heading in the wrong direction. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to go back on the oral chemo. There was faith involved, but I confess, I mostly figured it was worth the trade-off. As I felt better physically, I worried about those climbing numbers.
Then two things happened: God opened a door and adjusted the course of nature.
The open door. I got in to see one of the very few experts in WM in the nation, head of his department at Siteman Cancer Center in St. Louis (Barnes Jewish Hospital), professor at Washington U. School of Medicine, involved in research to find new treatments for lymphoma patients. This came out of nowhere, a surprise when I got in to see him, then he offered to take on my primary cancer care. Yes, he’s a doctor, and God can heal without doctors. But He can also use them. God opened this door to the oncologist most qualified for my case.
Then there came the more extraordinary occurrence. Waiting for my next test reading. It had been climbing the whole time I had kept myself off of chemo. My new doc was poised and ready to begin a newer, promising form of intravenous chemo. We were nervous to get my number, knowing that it could hit the point where he would want to begin this process right away—6 months in all. Then a memorable night. I suddenly heard Peggy shouting at the top of her lungs, “Praise the Lord! Thank you, Jesus! Hallelujah!” She had been regularly checking my online cancer records chart, because results appear there before your doctor gives them to you. The only question we had been waiting to have answered was, how high did that number climb? Then Peggy told me, “It went down! It went down!” Not supposed to do that.
So why do I keep feeling better every day? Because my doctor put me on watch and wait. That’s right. I’m not taking anything for my WM. He says my body is detoxing. I’m becoming the old me again (which is not 100% a good thing, but mostly). I can feel myself coming out of the fog. I am able to do more—cautiously. Peggy is here to remind me of that.
IF the time comes, I will trust God through the next step of chemo. We have confidence in the doc he gave me. But we are also prepared for that to never happen.
I hope, if you have read this far, you know that I have made no attempt to paint myself a spiritual giant. I crumbled often in the midst of this. All the glory goes to God. He has held me together—it feels like with duct-tape and bailing wire—for the three-and-a-half years of this journey. As have the great folks of Grace Assembly, many friends, many Facebook friends and prayer warriors who don’t know me. Many of you reading this played a role in getting me this far. (There have been so many, I have intentionally not listed any names here.)
God is strengthening me a little more each day, Peggy is watching me to make sure I don’t try to do too much. And I have a doc (provided by God) with whom we have immense confidence.
All glory to my wonderful, precious Savior.
As Peggy said that memorable night, and I quote, “Thank you, Jesus!”
Friday, March 29, 2019
1 Cor. 1:17
For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel, and not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power. — 1 Co 1:17
Friday, March 15, 2019
This Date in a WW2 Diary
"Sun. Mar. 15/42
Cecil and I went to Cinco de Junio for Meetings. Heavy gunfire coming from Corregidor. A fighter plane, flying low over Manila, let a few bursts go from its machine gun and wounded a few people in Paco. Last week I went to the Red Cross. One of the women there in charge was a fellow student of mine at the University of California. We had quite a chat. They could not do much for us, but this friend of mine made arrangements whereby we got some groceries, rice, sugar, cracked wheat, and a few canned goods."
— From Deliverance! It has Come! by Missionary Herman Knight Beaber who spent three years as a prisoner of war under the Japanese in the Philippines.
Saturday, November 24, 2018
Grandfather's Chair: Nathaniel Hawthorne Tells Mary Dyer’s Story
Nathaniel Hawthorne was born in 1804 in Salem, Massachusetts. He became one of the most renowned authors of the nineteenth century. A friend to fellow writers and transcendentalists Henry David Thoreau, Ralph Waldo Emerson, and Louisa May Alcott, their shared philosophy sometimes colored his writing.
But his writing was more influenced by Salem.
He was embarrassed by his strange hometown that was so branded by its past. So he moved away in 1850 never to return—except in his writing. And there he returned repeatedly.
Hawthorne’s embarrassment went beyond Salem the place. Indeed he felt a personal responsibility; his own family had had a hand in its most regrettable incidents. His ancestor William Hathorne had sat in judgment of persecuted Quakers and that ancestor’s son, John, had been a magistrate sitting as judge at the Salem Witch Trials.
Thus, Hawthorne’s writings (most notably The Scarlet Letter) sometimes attempt to atone for the errors of his family’s past by calling attention to Puritan leaders’ failings.
Such is the case with one of his least known books. Often this book is not even to be found in the listings of his writings. It’s a remarkable volume, written for children, that tells the story of New England through the fictionalized journeys of a single chair. The full title of the book is The Whole History Of Grandfather's Chair or True Stories From New England History, 1620-1808. It was first published in 1841.
Our interest in this book, Grandfather's Chair for short, is that, in its pages we find the story of Mary Dyer, my ninth-great-grandmother. It is that tale that follows (the text is in the public domain):
WHEN his little audience next assembled round the chair, Grandfather gave them a doleful history of the Quaker persecution, which began in 1656, and raged for about three years in Massachusetts.
He told them how, in the first place, twelve of the converts of George Fox, the first Quaker in the world, had come over from England. They seemed to be impelled by an earnest love for the souls of men, and a pure desire to make known what they considered a revelation from Heaven. But the rulers looked upon them as plotting the downfall of all government and religion. They were banished from the colony. In a little while, however, not only the first twelve had returned, but a multitude of other Quakers had come to rebuke the rulers and to preach against the priests and steeple-houses.
Grandfather described the hatred and scorn with which these enthusiasts were received. They were thrown into dungeons; they were beaten with many stripes, women as well as men; they were driven forth into the wilderness, and left to the tender mercies of wild beasts and Indians. The children were amazed to hear that the more the Quakers were scourged, and imprisoned, and banished, the more did the sect increase, both by the influx of strangers and by converts from among the Puritans. But Grandfather told them that God had put something into the soul of man, which always turned the cruelties of the persecutor to naught.
He went on to relate that, in 1659, two Quakers, named William Robinson and Marmaduke Stephenson, were hanged at Boston. A woman had been sentenced to die with them, but was reprieved on condition of her leaving the colony. Her name was Mary Dyer. In the year 1660 she returned to Boston, although she knew death awaited her there; and, if Grandfather had been correctly informed, an incident had then taken place which connects her with our story. This Mary Dyer had entered the mint-master's dwelling, clothed in sackcloth and ashes, and seated herself in our great chair with a sort of dignity and state. Then she proceeded to deliver what she called a message from Heaven, but in the midst of it they dragged her to prison.
"And was she executed?" asked Laurence.
"She was," said Grandfather.
"Grandfather," cried Charley, clinching his fist, "I would have fought for that poor Quaker woman!"
"Ah, but if a sword had been drawn for her," said Laurence, "it would have taken away all the beauty of her death."
It seemed as if hardly any of the preceding stories had thrown such an interest around Grandfather's chair as did the fact that the poor, persecuted, wandering Quaker woman had rested in it for a moment. The children were so much excited that Grandfather found it necessary to bring his account of the persecution to a close.
"In 1660, the same year in which Mary Dyer was executed," said he, "Charles II was restored to the throne of his fathers. This king had many vices; but he would not permit blood to be shed, under pretense of religion, in any part of his dominions. The Quakers in England told him what had been done to their brethren in Massachusetts; and he sent orders to Governor Endicott to forbear all such proceedings in future. And so ended the Quaker persecution—one of the most mournful passages in the history of our forefathers."
Thursday, November 15, 2018
Monday, August 13, 2018
Thursday, August 9, 2018
Friday, August 3, 2018
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